College Safety: A Proactive Parent's Approach
By: Lisa M. Stephen, Ph.D., ACC, NBC-HWC
Maybe you are researching colleges with your child, or maybe they have already chosen their school. During the college exploration process, you learn about the exciting opportunities available to them. Your child’s college years can be full of incredible experiences!
But that is only part of the story. The not-so-good news is that some significant risks and challenges impact student safety, health, and wellness on any college campus. Many people think college students are unaware of this when, in fact, they are quite concerned.
According to research from ADT and Clery Center, more than 82% of college students surveyed in 2021 reported feeling concerned about their safety with more than half indicating they were extremely concerned.
Does your child have the facts about campus safety risks?
Do they know how to respond in a dangerous or emergency situation?
How Do Parents and Students Learn About Campus Safety?
The most obvious way to learn about campus safety is by visiting colleges, talking to admissions counselors and tour guides, and attending campus security presentations. Their information typically focuses on the college’s policies and procedures. While this is important to understand, parents also need to know the facts about risk and danger to prepare themselves and their children for the realities of campus life.
Parents want to feel reassured, and it is easy to find that reassurance.
As a psychologist and coach who has worked with countless college students and parents, I have seen the common pitfalls that deter parents from getting the facts. I am writing this blog to share strategies for dealing with these obstacles so you can get as much accurate information as possible.
It is unlikely you will find the information you need most without doing your own research.
Navigating the Roadblocks
Heightened Anxiety and Seeking Reassurance
Despite prevention and security strategies, campuses are dangerous in many ways. This can be difficult to accept, and our discomfort with the safety issues can cause us to turn away from the facts unconsciously. It is natural for any parent to be upset by thinking their child’s safety might be in jeopardy. When we start to consider serious crimes and threats, it becomes even more emotionally challenging.
To quell our anxiety, we often (even if we are not aware of it) tell ourselves things like:
- “My child’s school doesn’t have Greek life. Hazing won’t be a risk.”
- “Security officers do nighttime rounds and keep a close eye on things. There is very little opportunity for anything bad to happen.”
We cannot protect our children from everything but turning away from this anxiety-provoking content never, ever helps you or your child be prepared for how to cope. Ever.
A popular narrative heavily promoted by colleges is that students are “ready to fly” and become independent; this often eases our anxiety. In reality, your child is just taking their first steps toward becoming an adult. Over the years they can develop autonomy while maintaining a deep connection with you. They simply do not have the experience and skills to fly - yet. Your college student is:
- An adolescent who will reach adulthood at age 25!
- Inexperienced and will encounter many “firsts” during the college years.
- Experiencing rapid brain development that will likely continue into their mid-twenties.
Your child is learning to fly. They are not ready to fly just yet.
Uncovering Hidden Influences
Marketing
It is reassuring to think all we need to do is read the brochures, look at websites, and visit schools to get the information we need. But there is a powerful force impacting every single piece of information schools share: marketing. An effective marketing strategy does not highlight safety problems and crime statistics. An effective marketing strategy promotes the positive. An effective marketing strategy sells.
“...postsecondary institutions pay between $429 and $623 per enrolled student, per year, on marketing, which totaled a collective spend of $2.2. billion in 2019.” (Communications Strategies Group)
According to a recent article, “Colleges throw billions at marketing themselves to attract students” with their Chief Marketing Officers earning salaries up to $375,000. According to Catholic University’s President John Garvey, “It is essential to the financial health of the university that we attract students to come here.” One of the highest marketing expenditures in 2019 documented was for Southern New Hampshire University spending $144 million on advertising and promotion.
College marketing does not include information that might dissuade students from choosing them.
Inaccurate Reporting
Unfortunately, some institutions do not accurately report the facts about campus safety. In a landmark enforcement action, Liberty University received a record $14 million fine in March 2024 for violations of the Clery Act, which mandates that colleges and universities accurately report campus crime data and support victims of violence, as well as maintain transparent safety policies and procedures.
According to a report on Clery Center’s website, the violations at Liberty University led to “a culture that silenced and blamed victims of crime. The findings indicate that students and employees were significantly harmed by a consistent lack of transparency and unwillingness to prioritize the safety and well-being of the campus community.”
What happened at Liberty might seem like an extreme example. However, this sort of behavior happens at different levels across college campuses, and it significantly increases risk.
Underreporting by Students
Although crime statistics are essential for collecting data, informing policy and procedure, holding schools accountable, and helping parents and prospective students to make safety plans, according to the National Center for Education Statistics, “Due to underreporting, figures for reported offenses, arrests, and disciplinary referrals likely do not capture all incidents that occurred.” Unfortunately, what is happening on campuses may be worse than what the data reveal.
Misinterpreting the Data
On the flip side, when an institution reports higher crime statistics year-to-year, or more than another institution, it is not necessarily indicative of higher rates of crime or that a school is “less safe”. Higher reporting rates often indicate that a school has established efficient and accessible reporting systems and that students are encouraged to report and seek support.
It is important to remember that crime statistics alone do not give a complete picture of campus safety.
Embracing Reality: Actionable Steps for Parents
In over thirty years of supporting college students and their parents, I've yet to meet a parent who regretted thoroughly researching campus safety. Each has found value in devising concrete plans to prepare their children to handle potential risks.
Step One: Prepare Yourself
Self-reflect and Be Insightful
Reflect on how the emotions associated with thinking of your child in a risky situation impact your ability to research and talk about campus safety.
Ask yourself:
- “How do I respond to thinking about my child being in danger?”
- “Do I get anxious and start lecturing them while assuming that they have no idea that campuses are often unsafe?”
- “Do I rationalize by telling myself things, like - we sent them to a small college, so we know it is safe!”
- “Do I feel terrified and want to put my head in the sand?”
Regulate Your Emotions
Ask yourself:
- “What strategies can I use to regulate my feelings so I can prepare myself and my child to understand and plan for campus safety risks?” Here are some ideas:
- Breathe!
- Recognize that it is normal to try to decrease your anxiety by distancing yourself from the topic or by rationalizing. Then, remind yourself of the facts:
- College offers many wonderful opportunities.
- College presents real risks and challenges that threaten the health and well-being of students.
- You can prepare yourself and your child and make concrete action plans.
Ask yourself:
- “When I get upset and want to avoid a difficult topic what do I usually do?”
- Make a plan for how you will turn toward rather than away from the facts.
- You might team up with a friend or start a group where parents support each other and share information.
- You could decide not to research before bed so your sleep is not disrupted.
Learn the Facts About Campus Safety
Start the research! You don’t need to do it all at once. You can begin by familiarizing yourself with the common problems, then research specific schools. You can take things in small steps or dive in — it all depends on what works best for you!
Familiarize Yourself with the Data
Use the Tools and Resources Available
Know the Types of Questions to Ask, How to Ask and Whom to Ask
Step Two: Prepare Your Child
Assume Your Child Is Listening, Even If It Doesn't Look Like It
We often assume that our kids are not listening, for good reason! They roll their eyes, tell us we don’t know what we are talking about, and are distracted by their phones. It can be annoying and, sometimes, it can be downright scary.
Despite how it may look, our kids are usually listening, so it’s important that we communicate in a supportive manner. Keep those lines of communication open! Reflect on these ideas and make a plan to respond in a way that facilitates the discussion:
- What can I do to stay calm when it feels like my kid is dismissing me?
- When they don’t appear to be listening, how might I respond in a way that encourages them rather than becoming argumentative?
Develop Coping Strategies and Safety Plans With Your Child
Talk with your child and strategize with your child as you develop clear action plans and identify resources. Remember: they are likely already concerned about their safety, so you may need to help them cope with their anxiety. Think about their preference for how to communicate. Do they like sitting down for an in-depth talk or do they prefer smaller conversations over time? Many parents comment about how their kids tend to talk in the car!
Plan with your child for how they can:
- Recognize when they have a “gut instinct” that they are at risk or in a bad situation, and how to act on that instinct rather than ignore it.
- Assess the risk, especially in light of their intense need to belong which can lead them to stay in risky situations.
- Consider their values and act in accordance with them.
- Get out of a situation quickly if they suspect there is a risk.
- Reach out for help to college officials, law enforcement, mental health professionals, family, friends, and any other trusted source.
- Understand the college safety and health and wellness policies and resources from their school, college, or university.
Frontload Your College Student With Resources
Many parents put resources in place so that their student has support before they even set foot on campus. Think about your child and their unique needs and consider connecting them with services before they leave home or make a plan for them to continue with anything they may have in place. You might consider:
- Self-defense training
- Consulting with a safety expert
- A “no questions asked” credit card to be used in risky situations
- Offering for them to begin or to continue in therapy
- Exploring how a coach specializing in working with college students might be of help
- Helping them to develop a self care/self help program with the use of apps that have been shown to be effective
- Offering anything else that could be a good fit for them
Step Three: Take Care of Yourself
Seek Support
Talking and even thinking about the health and safety risks that your child is likely to experience is a real challenge. Know when you could benefit from support! Reach out to friends and family. Don’t hesitate to seek out a therapist. Feel free to contact me if I can be of help!
Be Confident You Are Helping Your Child!
Preparing yourself and your child for the risks of college life can be a daunting and complex task. Turning toward facts and using those to inform your planning can help your child to be prepared to make safe choices and decrease risk. You can also be well prepared to support them rather than scrambling around at the last minute when they need you most.
There is no single “How To” guide that works for talking with every child! Be open, honest, and mindful as you talk with them. Do your research, make concrete plans, and provide your child with resources. These steps will both support them directly and open the door for them to come to you when they need your help.
Prepare yourself and your child while keeping the lines of communication between you wide open!
Download Clery Center's free resource, Staying Safe on Campus: A Guide for Families, which is packed with valuable insights, practical tips, and expert advice on a range of crucial campus safety topics.
Get the Guide
“The best education in the world is useless if a student doesn't survive with a healthy body and mind.”
– Connie and Howard Clery, Founders, Clery Center
About the Author: Lisa M. Stephen, Ph.D., ACC, NBC-HWC
Dr. Lisa Stephen has more than 30 years of experience as a practicing psychologist. She holds a doctorate in counseling psychology from Michigan State University and a master’s in counseling psychology from Boston College. She has provided treatment for issues related to mood disorders, hazing, physical and sexual abuse, sexual assault, bullying, and abuse from athletic coaches. She is a member of the American Psychological Association.
Within the college and university setting, Dr. Stephen has held positions as an academic faculty member, a counselor, a supervisor of a counseling center, a self-defense instructor, and a residential life administrator. She has also provided mental skills training for student-athletes and consulted with athletic coaches to help them best support their athletes.
Currently, Dr. Stephen is a personal, career, and performance coach credentialed through the International Coaching Federation, a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and a member of both organizations. Dr. Stephen offers coaching and concrete, customizable tools to support the health and wellness of her clients.
The primary focus of Dr. Stephen's work draws on her extensive experience on the frontlines of student trauma and profound insights into the behind-the-scenes dynamics of campus life. She offers invaluable resources tailored specifically for parents of college students, with a particular focus on assisting moms. Her signature offering, the COLLEGE UNCOVERED Toolkit, includes comprehensive resources to help mothers empower themselves and their college-bound students for the myriad risks and challenges of college life.
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